That didn't happen. Every one of my potential travel companions returned with the news that they wouldn't be able to do the trip. They had to concentrate on graduating, passing the remaining semester, finding a job in the "real world."
My problem was that I didn't feel that I'd experienced enough of the "real world" to settle in it yet. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my institutional education hadn’t prepared me for anything more than continued education. I felt gypped and I felt angry.
I was an English major -- granted, not the most practical of majors if you want real life experience. I spent four years sitting in front of a computer typing out papers and in classrooms listening to professors talk. I had been all over Europe, but never further West than Chicago. It was time to see my own country, and the more I thought about it, the more I decided that traveling by car would not be sufficient. After all, how different is watching the landscape pass by in a car than watching a movie of the same?
Still, I probably would have driven if I’d found a way to do so. I looked into the car courier services where you drive people's cars across the country for them but found none that suited me. I considered biking across, but I'd done long bike rides before and knew what a literal pain in the butt they could be. I like to walk. So . . .
Though I hadn’t done any backpacking since Girl Scouts in elementary school, hiking became more and more the only way to go. I did some research – something my English major had definitely prepared me for. The day I found the American Discovery Trail was the day I knew I'd do it. The ADT is a trail-in-progress that will eventually go from the East to the West coast. If someone else thought that hiking across the continent was possible enough to make a trail, I knew I could blaze my own.
Knowing that I was going to walk across the country was as much a fearful discovery as it was joyful. I did a lot of uncontrollable shivering. The first thing I did was e-mail everyone I knew with my plan, thus cementing my resolve to do so. The responses varied greatly. Friend Adam replied with a hundred, "Go for it go for it go for it"s and suggested that I take a gun.
Mom concluded, "Hypoglycemia. Will send more chocolate."
Dad affirmed, "You can do whatever you put your mind to. How can I help?"
I continued my research and started buying the things that eventually made up the list below. The day I spent $120 on a backpack was the day I knew there’d be no turning back. It was the biggest credit card purchase I’d ever made. I never spent money lightly; that buy cemented the deal. Three months later I kissed my family goodbye the night after graduation and went to stare at the monstrous pile of supplies on my unmade bed:
5 pairs nylon panties
1 pair Moving Comfort shorts
2 white T-shirts
5 pairs each Smartwool socks and liner socks
1 pair surgical scrub pants (for sleeping)
2 bandannas - 1 red, 1 white
Dark blue Poncho
Ugly but very functional beige hat
Blue-and-beige checked flannel shirt that got lost early -- I still miss it
Compass/thermometer key ring
Gerber (like a Swiss Army knife, only better)
~5 feet of parachute tape (like duct tape, only better) wrapped around the plastic bottle
Blue Kazoo sleeping bag
Therm-A-Rest Staytek Lite 3/4 Sleeping Pad
Whisperlite International stove with 2 bottles fuel
Kitchen matches
Maps -- trimmed and highlighted to show just the route I'd chosen
Eureka! Gossamer tent
Lowe Alpine Oxbow pack
Vasque Clarion hiking boots
2 Platypus water bags
32 oz. generic plastic water jug
~20 feet of parachute cord
Small bottle iodine tablets
Whistle
First Aid Kit: Band-Aids of all sizes, foot care of all types, 2 snap-cold packs, 2 Army-issue gauze packs
Bullfrog 36 SPF All-Day Waterproof Sunblock
Prescription glasses and sunglasses
Hard glasses case
Lip balm
Flashlight with extra batteries
$100 in traveler's checks
Credit card for emergencies
Nokia cell phone with leather case
Small spiral-bound notebook with electric blue cover
Suddenly, I realized that I was still wearing my graduation dress -- I couldn’t take that with me. I stripped the dress off, pulled on the shorts and T-shirt, and ran down to the parking lot with them. My extended family was thankfully still there trying to figure out how to fit the kids in on top of all my stuff. When they drove off, I straightened my T-shirt and realized that I had just tricked myself into the uniform I'd be wearing daily for who knew how long. As ready as I was to start this trip, parts of me apparently still needed coaxing.
Telling people that I'm doing this for no greater cause than that of self-enrichment usually just convinces them further that I am crazy. I looked into getting funding from a couple of the big-name brands on my gear, but the red tape involved in that seemed more hassle than it was worth. I feel a twinge of guilt every so often knowing that there are hundreds of social, political, and environmental causes that I could support with this undertaking. I have to believe that I am a worthy enough cause to walk for. Besides, people consider what I’m doing so dangerous that even the non-profits probably wouldn't touch me. After five months of doubtful, fearful, and cynical reactions, I've heard every con argument there is:
"If you do this, you will die."
"America is huge, and boring. You should go to Europe if you want to hike."
"If you really want a life experience, why don't you go into the Peace Corps?"
I've never considered myself much of a patriot, but the negative comments about America annoyed me more than I thought they would. I was bothered enough a couple of times to ask, “If America is so dangerous, why do you live here?”
The answer: “Well, it’s not as dangerous as other countries, but it is dangerous.”
Others pointed to the fact that I'd never hiked solo in my life. In my teen angst years, I developed a walking habit. When things at home and in my head got too bad, I went walking -- sometimes for six or seven hours at a time. I never got further than the local diner.
I had camped out only a few times, and always with friends or family.
I'd never been further west than Chicago -- last summer's experiment to see if I could make it on my own in the “real world.” I went to Chicago knowing one person, who helped me find an apartment to rent. I lived there for three months -- found a job, paid bills, got to know my way around. Battling the city wasn't easy, but at the end of the three months I knew that I could do it.
I've never been to the desert. I've never seen mountains more than 4,000 feet high.
I’m going.
"Well, you're going to bring a gun, aren't you?"
No. The only weapons I have are two weeks of intensive self-defense classes and a cell phone that I had yet to discover was useless in the places I’m most likely to need it. Tomorrow, I go.
May 18
This morning, I woke up at 7 AM – the third morning in a row that I've woken up at 7 AM. 7,7,7 -- I keep thinking about God, though I'm a devout Agnostic. My spiritual friend Keith said simply, "Confirmation."